Suggestions to Improve Real Life

Sitting on an uncomfortable train to work, then slogging away all day, except for the invariable interruptions to deal with fools, my typist reflected on various ways to improve her lot:

• Teleportation. Failing that, personal airships.
• Great chunks of time at work devoted to the important things: the three S's (socializing, shopping, and scribbling) (what, you thought the third S would be s*x? for shame), the three T's (trying on clothes, tea, and, well, tea biscuits), and the three L's (liquidity (financial), licentiousness (that's highbrow s*x), and liquor).
• No real responsibilities except self-imposed ones.

I tried convincing my typist to chuck it in for Caledon, where we had all of the above. (The licentiousness is only a rumor.) She reminded me of the overwhelming need to keep paying the bills, so I shut up lest I be put to work. In fact, the very thought made me faint, so I fortified myself with a substantial martini.