Friday, May 6, 2011

Smile, It's Your #&$^% Wedding Day

The other day, I found myself at the Mayflower Hotel, in Washington, DC. (Most recently famed as the meeting place for former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer and Ashley Dupree. For what it's worth.) As it was a Saturday in April, I was not surprised to see a wedding party climb out of a limo and wander into the hotel. I wasn't surprised to see the bridesmaids in a horrible color (goldenrod?) and shape that flattered no one.

What did surprise me was the sour expression on the bride's face. It's supposed to be a happy occasion, and she looks as though she's about to take someone's head off. I think her concern had to do with the flowers, but the details don't matter.

This wasn't an isolated incident. Some years ago, I was to a wedding in Queens with a scowling bride. Nothing was good enough. I didn't understand it, as the church was amazing, the family pulled out all the stops at the reception, and everything seemed to go smoothly. I have no idea why she looked so annoyed. (I think I lost some hearing at the reception because the band was so loud. I ended up wandering outside every once in a while to spend time with the smokers, just because it was relatively quiet. But I suspect the bride thought the nose bleed-inducing volume was a good thing.)

Look, ladies, it doesn't matter if the florist couldn't get that special type of orchid in time. No one will notice that one of the herald trumpeters hit a sour note. (Yes, someone hired #*($& herald trumpeters.) It's okay if the rumakis aren't piping hot. Et cetera.

Here's what's important:

* the groom shows up - on time and sober are plusses - and says his lines on cue

* the minister/rabbi/imam/justice of the peace/guy you know is legit and has a real marriage license

* the people you want to be there are there

That's about it. No one gives a rat's behind about the rest. If something bothers you, tell the video guy to edit it out of the copy he gives you. Twenty years later, you won't remember any of it, so you'll never know something was taken out.

Enjoy it. Be happy. Remember, your dad just spent a fortune on the whole shebang. And it only comes around once. (He won't pay for the rest of them.)


HeadBurro Antfarm said...

Ironically, this post made me smile a whole heap :-D

We have a colourful expression here for the sour, lemon-sucking face you describe and it goes a little something like this "She's got a face like a bulldog licking piss offa thistle!"


Rhianon Jameson said...

I'll have to add that to my kit bag of wonderful phrases from across the pond!

Fogwoman Gray said...

Heh - You have to wonder if the groom realizes this is a portent of how his Princess Bride handles stress. Parenthood is going to be FUN...

Rhianon Jameson said...

Oooh, excellent point!