Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Specialized Equipment

Mr. Ash Mason observes in his aetheric journal, "I notice female bipeds often complain about fitting failures for their ambulation equipment and are constantly searching for highly specialized gear for each assignment."

Indeed, Mr. Mason! And yet is it not so that when practicing one's art at the highest level, one invariably seeks specialized equipment? The scrivener may use a fine-tipped fountain pen when engaged in highly detailed work and choose a broad nib when inking bold thoughts; the laboratory scientist knows to choose the correct size of vial in which to mix his elixirs; and the adventurer surely does not use the same equipment when scaling heights as navigating the ocean's depths. Female bipeds are no different: each occasion requires its own footwear. We seek perfection daily; we demand no less of ourselves.

To shop, to purchase: these are not mere whims born of a fevered female mind but are, rather, signposts on the path to Olympus! Consider this, sir, the next time you behold a woman's new shoes, and politeness dictates you must listen to her explain how they came under her ownership!


ash-mason said...

I am quite attached to my all-purpose boots myself, Miss Jameson. By which I mean it is easier for me to detach and replace my limbs below the knee than it is to lace and unlace them.

Frau Lowey also enjoys when I recall the difficulties I had in purchasing them. The parcel contained two right boots. I did not know yet that it was acceptable to ask for an exchange, so I tried wearing two right feet to fit both boots. That threw off my standard land movement.

The Jaegers said would have helped me, but they were laughing too hard to explain. The Baron and Frau Lowey finally explained the acceptable protocols. I now have the extra right boot in reserve.

Janus said...

One of the very first things that they teach you at 'Butler College', "Always compliment a lady upon her shoes" .... has got me out of many a nasty scrape!

Rhianon Jameson said...

Don't tell anyone, but sometimes I agree with you, Mr. Mason, that having detachable parts might be an improvement. The extra right boot will come in handy, particularly if you tend to favor the left side.

Janus, I can see why you've gone far!