Corset, bodice, whalebone stays,
Petticoats, eyeholes, wanton ways.
Tell me how to get him near
With so many clothes to wear.
It's as though these clothes were designed
By a teenager girl's father to ease his worried mind:
No man has the energy
To take a girl's virginity.
Fumbling with laces can take all day
By then the passion has drained away.
Though it's quite the rage there's too much fuss 'til
He finds a way to detach the bustle.
Just when he thinks he's gotten there,
Another layer between you and bare.
Until he makes it it's just rumors
That nothing comes 'tween you and your bloomers.
Society may disapprove
Of ladies' lusts, you see,
But nature will not be stopped
By attempts at chastity.
By the time they're off it's half-past ten,
Time to start dressing all over again,
Or perhaps by now comes a knock from Maid
Interrupting your best plans to get laid,
Or he leaves baffled by clothing esoterica -
It's enough to drive a girl to hysteria!